The Squooshy

(Travel puns intended)

I enjoy an occasional trip for work. It can be a bit stressful…nothing really stops at the office when you are away. But it’s almost always a net positive. 

I mean….my kids miss me. My husband misses me. I miss them. But also, it’s a break. I’m not stressing about how to parent better. I’m not juggling. And we all appreciate each other a little more through the separation.  What I like the most about the travel is that I get to explore the me that is me-without-them. 

I don’t mean I’m piercing things and eating Brussels Sprouts and intentionally including grammatical errors in my correspondence (as if!). I’m still me when I’m away…and I still don’t like those things, so I don’t do them. I don’t change. But I do get the luxury of doing whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it during the off-work hours. And it’s…..

It’s freaking amazing! #RhondaUnleashed

I do drink more. I mean. Wine y’all! Plus I don’t have to drive anywhere, so I can pretend how responsible I’m being.  But that’s not what I mean. What I’m realizing is that I love people.  I’m fascinated by them.  I love observing new people. I love meeting them…talking to them…sharing similar experiences…contrasting different ones.  I love it.

Two nights ago, I had dinner by myself at the hotel bar. I brought my laptop with me (nerd) with the intention of catching up on office work with my trusty BFF Malbec at my side. But while I was there, a conversation began with these 2 ladies next to me–a married couple from Ohio. We started chit-chatting about what we do and what it’s like and what our respective industries are like: the good stuff and the ugly underbelly stuff. We talked about our kids. But then it shifted and we started talking about life. 

We talked about knowing who you are and how to be the you on the outside that you are on the inside and how it takes each person their own amount of time to really figure that out. Some are lucky and figure it out early…..some take a while to get comfortable in their own skin (👋🏻 Hi. Yes. I’m talking about me here. Though I’m comforted to know it’s not just me). When I left the bar, feeling fat and happy from my wine and fried green tomatoes, I felt so…full. Like, heart-full. I was afforded the opportunity to connect on a personal level and learn a few things about complete strangers. We connected. And what a gift that is…

And then today, on my über ride to the train station, I had THE best experience. I met Kassanesh. 

Kassanesh is an Ethiopian woman who is married; she has a 12 year old and 16 year old (that might be my son’s twin).  She has been driving for über ever since she was laid off by an insurance company. She told me she was tired from driving a 14 hour shift yesterday and that she came home last night and took it out on her kids. She fussed at them for the thousandth time about leaving dishes in the sink. She was obviously feeling a bit guilty about it…but my empathizimg with her opened a channel of communication.

We started talking about our kids and school.  About finding the right balance between fostering their independence and letting them fail (and learn from the failure) and not letting them get away with just not trying hard enough. I  agreed with her:  Yes. You have every right to be frustrated and I wouldn’t blame you if you gave up after the 3 billionth time teaching the same lesson that just won’t sink in. You can quit. You can tell yourself, this thing just won’t be learned. But then we agreed…if you do give up…where will they learn it?  If not from us than from whom?  

We talked about the way her heart hurt when her boy started going through puberty and pulled away from her. How he thinks he knows everything and tries to play the teenage “you just don’t get it” card and how she misses the boy that made her feel like she was a superhero and the center of his life. We talked of how she worries that her son will repeat the mistakes that she has made and struggle like she struggles. She feels all at once like she can’t take one more year of the stress she feels during this era of life as a parent to a teenager and mournful that she knows it’s coming to an end.

Her boy will become a man soon and start his own life. Is he ready?  Did she prepare him enough?  Is there still time to teach him what he hasn’t been able to master?  Will he be the man he is supposed to become?  She told me she has to pray and just tell God, you gave him to me, but he is yours. You make him the man he will be. 

………I know right?!?!

I am dumbfounded. Still. The power of human connection…it’s unlike anything else. In that beat up RAV4 trudging through DC traffic with Ethiopian pop music playing in the background, Kassanesh touched my heart. She opened hers..and touched mine.  What a blessing.